This isn’t a marital problem… Though the similarities are uncanny.

I’ve been in this relationship a long time. The way it functions is familiar to me. There’s a degree of stability. I’m comfortable. Everyone tells me I’m doing well.

But there’s this nagging at the back of my mind and it forces me to ask some questions. Could things work better apart?

The EU debate is probably over most people’s heads. We can only decide given the information provided. Most of it feels like propaganda. (A bit like the church telling me marriage is sacred. Ordained by God. ‘Til death do us part…)

So how would everyone fare if we separated?

We talk about a nanny state here. It’s nothing compared to the overseeing of everything we do that Europe does.

This is a very personal feeling. About governing myself. Making decisions in the small group I belong to. Someone highly intelligent compared the EU membership to India’s Home Rule campaign. If that wasn’t infantilising a people, I don’t know what was. Isn’t this similar?

We talk about a nanny state here. It’s nothing compared to the overseeing of everything we do that Europe does.

My way of seeing it is this.

When we make decisions in the family, my husband and I talk. We share the same hopes and goals for our unit (the family). Now the children are older, we involve them a little more.

If we had to ask both sides of our families too and the neighbourhood and perhaps their children… I suspect nothing would ever be decided on. We’d have to choose a smaller, representative group to lead the family. And trust they’d know what they were doing. And would be working in our interests.

So everyone makes compromises. Some more than others. Usually in any group, some voices are louder. What about the neighbourhood bully? Or the one with more financial clout? A louder voice? What about the individuals who are shy and don’t speak up? What about their voice?

Without the EU, we forged the NHS, the Welfare State, police force and BBC.The country has the resources, the intelligence and drive to achieve great things. Small is beautiful.

If we as a group/neighbourhood had to pool finances and make decisions on expenditure, I can’t see any sane way forward. There would inevitably be red tape. Rules and clauses and sub-clauses. Most of us wouldn’t get to see them or agree with them. But that’s the price of trying to make a large sprawling group work.

Many against staying in the EU have immigration as their prime focus. As the daughter of two immigrants who have done incredibly well, this isn’t my issue.

Without the EU, we forged the NHS, the Welfare State, police force and BBC. Without doubt, institutions that are cited as world class when talking about the UK. This country has the resources, the intelligence and drive to achieve great things. Small is beautiful.

And from what I see there’s an increasing desire for small groups to break off and rule themselves (Wales and Scotland come to mind) becoming even smaller.

Well it might seem childish but Britain does have friends. Again, we weren’t part of the EU when either of the World Wars broke out. But we had allies.

It feels as though ‘squaring up’ to the US or China (economically and militarily) are the main reasons for remaining in the EU.

Well it might seem childish but Britain does have friends. Again, we weren’t part of the EU when either of the World Wars broke out. But we had allies.

It feels a bit like joining a group of people at school whose principles you don’t really agree with or personalities you don’t get on with. But you’re protecting yourself against being bullied by another gang. What about our own ethics and principles?

Isn’t there something to be said for governing the group from the inside? Making decisions in small units? Using people who also know how that unit is made up?

I keep thinking about all the member states. I’d have to trust that the leaders were supremely informed about rural Lithuania, urban Spain, remotest Estonia… Are they?

I feel we can still be a good nation: strong, creative, economically and culturally successful and progressive. And that other nations will still want to deal with us.

A recent BBC debate on the subject threw up a fascinating question by a member of the public: why do we feel the EU has the moral high ground? Aren’t they people like ourselves? Don’t they have prejudices just as we do? Don’t they also have their own interests and agenda – for themselves and their own nation – at the centre of things like we do?

In all this muddle is the overriding feeling that we can do it ourselves, thank you. Not even counting the fact that remaining in could prove detrimental to my family’s businesses or our own, I feel we can still be a good nation: strong, creative, economically and culturally successful and progressive. And that other nations will still want to deal with us.

A layman’s point of view but no different to the majority of vaguely informed voters.

I welcome opinion, disagreement, another perspective, so do respond with thoughts and ideas. Because in this strange and long-standing marriage, I want to do the right thing.

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