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All my ‘time-saving’ equipment has lights and gauges to monitor, help and warn me; alarms, dials and readings of all sorts. Wouldn’t it be good if I was like that?

I think a panel somewhere around my collar bone with a decorative front (like the face off car radios) would be fine. Here are a few things I think I’d like included.

Most importantly a speak-tone option. My phone has ringtones I can set up for different callers. I can download thousands more and even make my own up. My speak tone function would be the same: a different one for each person. I think it could help me socially.

So for those people that irritate me and with whom I have nothing in common but have to have dealings with, I’d have one called something like, ‘All front’. My voice would be polite and I’d be able to say just the right things without compromising my morals or offending them. If I was a very sophisticated version, I’d have a beeper to tell them when I’d had enough. A very sophisticated model would emit a nasty vibe and make them want to go away on their own accord.

Of course I’d need a complimentary one when networking. The B2B tone.  It’d make me sound confident, competent, but also likeable and educated and that anything I say about myself is true.

Something else I’d appreciate would be a sort of graphic equaliser-style function. To help me monitor my diet. Depending on the model (again) I could have any number of options – up two forty to include sub-categories of things my body needs. Vitamin D, vitamin C, sugar, fat, protein… you get the picture. I’d enjoy seeing all of them showing the top level of intake of everything important.

Alarms? I’d need lots. A squeamish alarm; a boredom alarm, one that made a sound when I realise I’m talking to a name-dropping boaster, another which maybe sent a light electric shock to me when I was  going to be blunt or offensive… But also a warm, loving tone to alert me to kind words and real affection. It can be so easily missed if the person’s way of speaking doesn’t fit. (Aaah, they also need to be fitted with the speak-tone device…)

Other things like the ‘opportunity alert’ function, the ‘trouble ahead’ reader and the dial that could filter my creative ideas and buzz when I had a really good one. It would look a bit like the RPM dial in the car (x1000 of course because brilliant ideas are never in single digits.)

You’d have to read it straight on though because the effect of parallax might mean it looked like a reading of 9000 when it was only 3000. You’d cancel your family and quit your job and embark on following your dream with the idea that was going to make your name in the literary world.

Ten years later, you pick up a science magazine at the doctor’s surgery (your front computer panel is loose and everyone can see what you’re thinking and feeling) and read about the effect of parallax… And go back to your family and get another job.

Well it was just an idea…Image